Recently, students, staff and faculty have noticed an infestation of hamsters in Crawford, cause of which is still under investigation.

While facilities claimed the hamsters were likely coming from the atomic toilet, some students have the suspicion their professors are smuggling them into class.


A hamster peeks out of a professor’s pocket during a lecture. Picture by a traumatized student.

“My professor proudly shows off his hamster,” one student said.

The student added that her professor keeps his hamster in his pocket and feeds it nuts throughout class.

Another student said the hamsters may be there for emotional support.

“Before, my professor seemed so lonely,” she said. “Having a hamster really seems to help him. Whenever we’re doing work and he’s at his desk, his hamster is there for him to pet.”

While many find the furry creatures adorable, some students said they’ve become a distraction.

A graduate student said it wouldn’t be a big deal if professors were better at controlling their hamsters.

“Lots of people have hamsters, and that’s fine,” he said. “But I don’t want them out and about in class. Keep them in their cages.”

It isn’t just students that have a problem with the hamsters. Some professors are bothered by their presence as well.

One professor in communications said the daily sight of her coworkers’ hamsters is upsetting. “It’s disgusting,” she said. “I can’t have a hamster, and to see them flaunting theirs around the school? I’m ready to quit.”

Another professor said seeing the hamsters everyday is a sad reminder that she can’t have one.

“I’ve always liked them,” she said. “I wish I had one, and seeing them every day just reminds me I’ll never have one.”

Facilities is working to get to the bottom of the infestation and stop it from spreading further.

“Our biggest concern is containment, both of the hamsters and professors,” one staff member said. “If it is professors bringing the hamsters in, we have a bigger issue than we thought. Everyone will want to try it. As they say, monkey see, monkey do.”

While there are several courses of action being considered, the staff member said they’re leaning toward shutting down Crawford for several days.

“There are a couple reasons to shut it down,” the staff member said. “We’d like to exterminate any remaining hamsters in the building. But the biggest issue is that most of our professors probably need a break. If they had some time off, they might not feel the need to bring their hamsters onto school property.”

One professor, who wished to remain anonymous, is horrified at the idea of not being able to bring his hamster to class any longer.

“He’s my best friend,” he said. “He’s basically a part of me.”

The professor added that his hamster is like a security blanket, and when he has to spend the entire day without his pet, he feels tense, agitated and unfulfilled in life.

Some of the program chairs in Crawford are also looking into the problem.

They want to keep the building clean while also keeping their professors happy.

They’re considering adding rules about allowing certain pets, as long as professors follow specific protocol for cleaning up after their furry friends.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do, but I do know it’s something a lot of students have complained about,” one program chair said. “No one wants to see a hamster sticking out of their professor’s pocket at eight in the morning.”

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